for a laugh...

After working all day, the last thing I want to do is cook dinner, clean house, and do laundry and dishes. I say we hire a maid.

When I say I'm hungry, I literally cannot wait another 5 minutes to scarf something down.

Yes, I do waddle when I walk, so please slow down if you want me to keep up.

I sneeze, I pee. I cough, I pee. I stand, I pee.

Yes, I do have cankles, swollen feet and legs, no need to point that out.

No, I don't feel like doing that, and yes, it's because I'm tired.

I am no longer in control of my bodily functions and can't help that gas escapes me at any given moment.

Yes, I really do have to get up in the middle of the night THAT MUCH, just to pee.

Yes, I am crying AGAIN, and no, I don't have an excuse.

My belly is getting bigger everyday and my center of gravity is off. Please watch our for my clumsiness.

I can no longer reach certain areas of my body, so if I miss a few spots shaving, please forgive me.

Yes, I do need help getting off the couch and pay no mind to the grunting noises I must make.

Please don't snore. I find it offensive that you are comfortable and asleep, while I toss and turn a million times through out the night.

I apologize if you feel as though my body pillow has gotten more love than you.

I can no longer pick things up off the floor. I just assume someone else will do it.

Yes, my feet and back hurt ALL THE TIME. Just assume I need a massage, no questions asked.

Yes, I am subject to being emotional and moody, blame the hormones.